Well, that's quite a story.
Some parts were beginning to scrispen into real comic moments, like the 'internal biker dialogue' stuff - but in the end the petered out... mostly because of timing, also because of resolution. I feel you're missing out on the potential there...
Main thing I can suggest is to go more extreme: if biker guy wants to make friends and become less lonely, he might sincerely try that, speaks humanely with the Starbucks boss, maybe even tries to civilly wait in line... but of course he always snaps and starts throwing molotovs...
Then there'd be an enjoyment of the building tension and the business that happens along the way.
Always tough to crit per forum entries - hope this makes sense.
Well, that's quite a story.
Some parts were beginning to scrispen into real comic moments, like the 'internal biker dialogue' stuff - but in the end the petered out... mostly because of timing, also because of resolution. I feel you're missing out on the potential there...
Main thing I can suggest is to go more extreme: if biker guy wants to make friends and become less lonely, he might sincerely try that, speaks humanely with the Starbucks boss, maybe even tries to civilly wait in line... but of course he always snaps and starts throwing molotovs...
Then there'd be an enjoyment of the building tension and the business that happens along the way.
Always tough to crit per forum entries - hope this makes sense.
Re Lonely Biker
Great notes. Thank you.
I like your idea tention building.