Battling Cynicism.

That's inspirational, Eric. Thanks.

How do you keep your Vision intact and keep from getting bitter and cynical?

For me, the turning point on this issue came when a film that I had been working on for three years at a major animation studio was suddenly canceled. This was a film that I had been on from Day One, was loving every minute of, and thought had great potential. Then suddenly... OVER. Yes, I spent a couple of days lying on the floor looking up at the ceiling, but then I realized that I had a choice: grow bitter or cynical over someone else's business, or get on with my own. I chose the latter.

That's what gave me the initiative to work on my own short films such as "Henry's Garden", and what ultimately led to the formation of The Animation Co-op. I still work the industry (and enjoy doing so) but it's with the knowledge that I'm being paid to work for someone ELSE, so I don't stress too much over things that strike me as crazy, stupid or mundane. I simply smile, cash my check, have dinner, and then get on with my OWN work for the evening. :)

Life's too short to bitch, and there's so much cool stuff to do! :cool:

Kevin G.

Huzzah! I'm always for making my own opportunities... I think you live healthier that way...

I don't often get bitter or cynical, but sometimes I get a little discouraged. My lack of animation experience is countered only by my insistence on getting a chance to tell the animated stories I've been thinking about since the late 80's. I know that my target audience will be interested in my work when I have something better to show for my efforts. The few hours per week I can peel off for animation (between teaching high school in the day and having a beautiful new son at home) seemed like I might finish something around 2009 or so, if I was lucky.

Recently I started using a freeware 3D program that seems to be speeding things up a bit, and I have diabolical plans to hit up some local firms for support to get better software for the next piece. I have the vision, but I sometimes lack confidence that I'll realize it. About fourteen times a week or more I think about submitting my idea to the Coop for cooperation, but the next thing that comes up is the negative thinking that says these folks are way better at this than I am and won't have the patience for me; that nobody's going to want to work on a project with freeware 3D; that the hayfield I live in the middle of is too far from any serious animators to get folks on board; or any number of other negative thoughts.

The good news is I find it pretty satisfying to keep working on it alone for now, that production continues to improve in quality and speed, that I learn quickly, and that my wife supports my vision. Also this neat little boy who keeps smiling and laughing with me all the time.

In the end, it will work out, and I'm too stubborn to be convinced it'll never work. I also have a sense of how I want things to look both in appearance and in action, and I keep working until I get it. Okay, time to go teach now. See ya.

About fourteen times a week or more I think about submitting my idea to the Coop for cooperation, but the next thing that comes up is the negative thinking that says these folks are way better at this than I am and won't have the patience for me; that nobody's going to want to work on a project with freeware 3D; that the hayfield I live in the middle of is too far from any serious animators to get folks on board; or any number of other negative thoughts.

Hi Rupert,

Co-op members come in all shapes and stripes, ranging from hungry students to grizzled industry veterans. You're bound to find someone interested in working with you, but you'll never know unless you jump in! :)

Kevin G.

Another thought...

Cynicism and bitterness spring from a feeling of powerlessness: we find something objectionable or disappointing yet feel powerless to do anything about it. Which leads to whining, inertia and depression.

Once you decide to make happen the things you want to see happen, bitterness and cynicism fall by the wayside. If your happiness and sense of self-worth is dependent upon someone else's affairs, you're heading for trouble. :o

Kevin G.

Great story Eric. perspective is an amazing thing. I think Robert Burns said it best in "To a Louse"-- if we could see ourselves as others see us. However, I think he meant in a humbling sense, when sometimes it'd be alright to take it the other way. Cool when we can work on our own thing with a margin of confidence (give or take) and still be on the hunt for what inspires us from others. Sometimes it's a matter of patience and perseverance while our vision unfolds.

Im a 3rd year student, and i thought going to school was gonna help me decide in what i want to do, but was i wrong, i love doing everything, i want to do everything. concept art, character animation, character design, modeling, visual effects, work with people make films. sometimes it gets frustrating because fellow students already know what they want to do, while im just wondering around trying this and that.

after animation class i want to do animation, after life drawing i want to teach life drawing, keeps goiing and going.

and i cant focus and work on one project because i keep thinking to myself oh what if people dont like it, or what if i cant do it. Most of the time i change ideas, drop one project and more on to another. and never get a chance to finish them. I dont know if this is normal, it certainly doesn't feel normal. any thoughts and tips would really help.

For the past few years my vision and optomisim has been kept in tact just by knowing that there are others out there who share my vision. I am very much an idealist and sometimes it seems that I'm the only one. But then I need only look at my film project and all the amazingly talented artists who are giving thier time because they believe in the heart of it, just as I do. If I had to go through it all alone I would feel terribly inadequette and i know I wouldn't have made it far. It's support that keeps me going and every day I am grateful for it.

What an interesting thread. I must confess I find it particularly interesting, as I currently find myself in a slightly cynical position, but that's nothing new, I slip in and out of such things all the time.

I am of the opinion, that in order to battle something, one must first know what it is one is fighting. So what is cynicism, and whence does it come from?

Mr. Geiger points to cynicism taking root from the world around us, and the disappointments we face at the hands of others, but I say let us not forget what Freud and Jung showed us about our projection of inner feelings onto our surroundings.

When someone pulls the plug on us in such a fashion, cancellation, getting fired, getting dumped, etc, it's all to easy to say "fuck you too" and percieve the world (or those in it) as a difficult place that refuses to acknowledge our feelings and efforts, and thus jades us.

But I don't believe this is the truth.

What I think makes us cynical, and depressed in such situations, is in fact, our own deep seated frustration at ourselves. Our own impotence in the face of these occurrences annoys us, and we really hate ourselves, projecting that onto those around us.

I find the religios references at the thread's start interesting, and being no biblical scholar, I'm sure I remember something in the teaching of The Big J about loving oneself before being able to love others, and loving God before oneself.

So how does this fit into our contemporary world?

Well...

I believe that art finds you, not the other way around. No man creates a great story, or character. These things exist (perhaps spiritually) around us, and they find us, we are their vessels into the world. I recall a Finding Nemo anecdote that placed Andrew Stanton in an aquarium where he became seperated from his son and had to run around looking for him, and the world in those moments showed him what it meant to be a father.

As for this idea of story and character, could we not relate back to these religious ideals once more in so much that god says "you would not search for me if you had not already found me".

So I say this, for those who lack faith in their abilities, and talents to realise "their vision". Give yourself over to your story. If you doubt yourself, then don't push that doubt away, welcome it. The story has chosen you, so give yourself over to it completely. Who cares if you don't believe in yourself, the story believes in you, so surrender yourself as it's servant. Whore yourself to it, give up every piece of yourself to it if that's what it takes, but never give up on it, because it won't give up on you.

If you give up on trying to tell these stories that mean so much to you, they will haunt your dreams, and your waking thoughts, and make you feel like even more of a failure.

So then...
Waterdog. I say you feel lost for direction because you're not allowing yourself to be owned by your projects, you think they rely on you. Turn off your head, open your feelings and move on instinct.

RupertPiston, dead bang, you need to let the ideas unfold, they will come to us.

Kevin G. Indeed, why base our ideas of self worth on the opinions of others, it won't get us anywhere, but I think we should let our work judge us, rather than ourselves or others around us.

And as for the animation Co-Op. Well... religious congregation is nothing more than a way for individuals to find strength in numbers. The like minded will always help one another out. Never stop supporting those in the same boat as you, for your survival depends on theirs.

Appologies for length.

______________
www.rebelhill.net

rebelhill...you're absolutely right. I should let go of things and see where the story takes me, instead of trying so hard to control it. Im gonna just let it happen. I think this is agreat discussion, and one i've needed for awhile. thank you

:p

I do have the tendency to be gloomy at times. Kevin told me one time in school that it was caused by watching The Brothers Quay too much. :D

Anyway, one way I battle cynicism is by watching what civilians (my non-derogative term for non-artists) do. I then realize that I couldn't live a life like that and am thankful for getting to work in the industry! Schadenfreude aside, I am still able to look at where I am from an outsider's perspective. People love movies, and many people dream about working on them. Unfortunately, experience has told me that very few people realize this dream. When viewed from this perspective, I realize how fortunate I am to work on a project even as a lowly Junior Data I/O/Render Wrangler.

Plus, I am always learning. In my downtime, I have been learning C++, which has opened up a whole new realm of knowledge for me. My brief freelance gigs have taught me as much or more than a semester of classes. I am learning things that I am interested in (programming/scripting, etc.) and getting to meet, become friends with, and learn from really cool people, who work as artists in the industry. This gives me a goal: someday I want to be like him/her when I grow up!

Finally, I have always had a passion for filmmaking or art! If I feel down, I just go to the video store and rent a great film or go to LACMA and see great art (Rauschenberg posters!) or go to Amoeba and buy great music, etc., etc. I feel that if you never forget the source of your passion you will never become cynical and bitter!

i cant focus and work on one project because i keep thinking to myself oh what if people dont like it, or what if i cant do it. Most of the time i change ideas, drop one project and more on to another. and never get a chance to finish them. I dont know if this is normal, it certainly doesn't feel normal. any thoughts and tips would really help.

Here's a tip (which works, although it may also qualify as "cynical")... :p

The next time you're about to drop something, think about all those people less talented than yourself who get their work done because they are free from the self-doubt that plagues you. Think about their projects getting done and getting out there, while your projects never see the light of day.

Then get to work. :D

Seriously, to the point of "what if people don't like it?" - who gives a sh!t? Some people will, some people won't, and most won't care one way or the other. Follow your bliss and do what you like. If even one person other than yourself "gets" what you're trying to do, that's magic.
When Moon and I finished "Henry's Garden", we had our share of acceptance, rejection and indifference. But the important thing was that people out there who we didn't even know were able to connect to this thing which didn't exist until we did it. One of my favorite memories is an email from a guy in Poland who saw the film at a festival and was moved to write us about it. From the other side of the world - how cool is that? :cool: You can't allow fear to cheat you of the potential for those moments. That being said, I've seen folks who get a ton of positive response to their work, but stew over the handful of negative reactions. Pretty unrealistic to expect that everyone's going to like what you do. Better to liberate yourself by assuming that NO ONE is going to like what you do - and then getting down to it. :)

To the point of "what if I can't do it?" - well, you've already realized this fear by giving up. You DIDN'T do it. You're no better off by giving up than you are by trying and "failing" (quote marks intentional). In fact, you're WORSE off because once again you cheat yourself of the opportunity to learn and grow. Certainly, everyone wants to make a great piece, but in the long term the PROCESS is more important than the PRODUCT. While that can be used as justification for NOT finishing, you owe it to yourself to experience the ENTIRE process. Start to finish.

Kevin G.