need your Suggestion

Dear Ed,
thank you for your reply,
Yes I made the whole film in rough live action film to understand the timing ,expression and walk cycle.and also I did the layout computer animation of some shot for understanding.I have the animatics of the story board too. I am making the film now. I just completed my first scene (22 shots) today. the lighting and texturing cameout good. but i am not satisfied with the story plot. something is missing in the story.i don't know my story whether evoke the emotion to the audience or not.
I will be grateful to you if you can give me your advice on story.
following is the story brief.
Film title: Paradigm shift
There is a place of 20 feet wall maze /puzzle made out of concrete. A weary person is lost in the maze and walking all the way to find the exit. His breathing sound is echoing the place. He reaches a place which leads to four different place (crossroad) he doesn’t know which way to go. Suddenly a monster ball which rules the place rolls towards him and try to crush him. He runs from the place and the monster chases him. He finds a door and tries to open. It doesn’t open. Monster comes very close to him. He somehow opens the door and escapes from the monster. He reaches a new place of the maze. He finds a rope on the floor that leads him to a place. There he finds a Maze map. He is happy to go near to the map. That happiness doesn’t stand for longer. A big monster spider, which protecting the map appears before him and tries to kill him for taking the map. He drops the map and runs for life. It chases him and he finds a small gap where he can only go. He escapes from the monster spider and again reaches a new place closes by four sides (except the small hole he came in) he is so upset and disappointment of finding the exit. He finds a robe on the floor and decides to make it as suicide robe then he changes his mind and collected the stick on the floor and makes the ladder and climbs the wall. When he is on the halfway in the ladder, suddenly the monster ball rolls towards him to stop him climbing, then it hit the ladder. He falls on the floor. Now he doesn’t have any way to escape. The monster rolls very fast towards him when it runs near to him. He takes the ladder and keeps it against it and the ladder pierce the ball and it dies. After that, he repairs the ladder. he climbs the wall and reaches the top of the wall. He sees the exit from there. He exited. The camera reveals all happen inside someone’s head.

thank you very much for spending your valuable time for me,
Sincerely,
praveen Chrispugg
www.chrispuggs.net